Goose on the Loose and Geese for Lease

I have decided to start a new lj account. One that will be open, not friends only (for the most part). I am hoping to start analyzing and redoing myself over this break. I'm tired of me and I feel in a rut. I need to figure out what I'm all about at this point in my life. I want to cut the strings, and so, add me at ajna_chakra. In case you're wondering, your ajna chakra is your third eye. Neat, no?

http://ajna-chakra.livejournal.com/

Renovations still in progress.

And this is my last entry as smoke_reason. See you all on the other side.

So I cried on the phone with the boy who is still determinedly cheerful for my sake and then I at long last did some tarot cards....and I feel better. Not that I learned anything I didn't know....they just help somehow. Gonna wait it out...

I'm not ready to go back. I don't think I ever will be. This year sucks. Period. There's way too much pressure. It's like so much is riding on this...and I just want to sleep away the days. Everything I want is compromised and I can't really do anything about it because that's just the way it is. Oh well. Too bad. How much can one person change, really? Desperate and ravenous. So weak and powerless. Will there be a reward at the end of this all or will the unfulfilling bullshit continue until our dying day? If that's the case, why postpone the dying day? Everyone's complying and waiting this out in the hopes that there will be what they really want at the end of the tunnel. Will that even happen? Is this just one of those "grass is greener on the other side" situations? Just look at the weather. It's barren. It ranges from cold to mild. There's no snow. It's been like this since, what, September? Will anything ever change? Will we ever be able to breathe? To actually inhale and exhale without wheezing or gasping or sighing? In grade eleven things were going so well. I had a past I was finally letting go of, a future I was looking forward to, and a present I was enriching. I was comfortable with myself and the way things were. Now I look at the past bitterly and the future hopelessly. And the present...I guess I just wait for it to turn into the past. I don't do tarot cards anymore. I haven't watched Waking Life in ages. I'm lacking spiritual fulfillment and personal reflection. I don't see any promising different path to find solace. Anytime I try to reflect or be spiritual I get bored and fall asleep. I'm truly set to autopilot and apathy prevents me from taking the wheel. I'm so sick of the way things have to be.

I really did not mean to make such a bitter entry. So it goes.

A very interesting study of various drugs' effects on spider webs...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=sHzdsFiBbFc

Ok so I recently got myself involved with the notion that I would like an iPod and I liked the idea so much, that I went out two days ago and bought myself one. It's a white (I wanted black originally, but they were out and I was too impatient and didn't care that much) 30GB video. I haven't got any videos on it yet because the internet's down on the computer that has all the music but I did upload all of my 600 photos as well as 975 songs with mega room to spare. I've still got a lot more CDs to put on but I didn't want to have to fill in all the info myself. Anyway, now that I have one, I'm definitely doing that thing where you put it on shuffle and do the first lines of the first 20 songs and people have to guess. So if you'd like to play (please humour me)...
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I'm sorry, he's cute.

Let down and hanging around...

Whenever I actually have time to stop and think, I end up realizing how much I hate everything. Damn.

We're all divided.



P.S. I miss those headphones.

Why am I so foreign?








And not that any of you care, but let's see who my dearest looks like.



Hahaha I'm dating Bon Jovi meets Owen Wilson.

Last night the sudden fear surfaced that I'm letting things pass me by. Of course I'm enjoying life and trying to savour the moments, but everything flies by so quickly that I'm afraid I'll only realize how great everything is when I've moved on to a new stage, and my memories of now will quickly fade. I can save these moments in photos. I can capture that moment on that day in that year in that time of my life. Ok, ignoring all my melodrama right there, I just wanted to take some pictures of my life on that particular night. I took some pictures of myself and the doggies. And pictures of my youngest brother and I as well. What a kid. I don't want to have a hazy memory of him right now - or our relationship. Anyway, bla bla bla, here are some photos of my life right now (or right yesterday).

Here are the rest of the photos for my photog project. I've actually got I think 2 others, but they're nothing special. Just good for some bonus marks. These ones are a little closer unfortunately haha.

Alrighty, here are ze fruits of my labours. I quite like em all.

I lost a whole bunch of what I thought would be really great pictures because I didn't load my film properly. I guess it was bound to happen sometime. Still quite tragic though. Anyway, I got a new roll and used it all up in one day on a picture taking frenzy. Here are the best.



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www.myspace.com/thecandiedyams

New song up. It's called Triple R (as in hardcore like triple x but environmental: reduce, re-use, recycle) get it? Hahahaha....ha. Ok.

Anyway, please go and listen and friend us if you're on myspace and comment and spread the word and do whatever but just listen.

We're excited about it.

Thankee toodloo.

Here are some random pictures:







I feel like Richard...except my pictures aren't as pro.

( Here are pictures from surgery )

Ok, we have our first song on our purevolume account.

www.purevolume.com/thecandiedyams

It sounds really crappy, like its been recorded through a telephone. But the point is, we have our first song recorded and available to the public. We'll get better. Anyway, check it out.

Now here this. Now here this. The summer of The Candied Yams has begun! *cheers* We have now finished making our lame ass purevolume account that we assure you will get better when it's not 4:30 in the morning.

www.purevolume.com/thecandiedyams

Go. Visit it now bitches. If you read this soon you'll only get to hear our silly sorry apology phoney message thingy but later on today we shall add real songs. We also have amusing blog updates galore (well we will anyway).

We shall be flaunting The Candied Yams til kingdom come so get used to it. Over and out.

Indubitably yours,
The Candied Yams

Okeydoke so I'm antsy like an ant and fidgety like a monkey on "soda" as they call it in those stateroonies. Now see here, school's done for me on Friday since I have no exams (how lovely indeed) and I am sooo excited about summahtime. I've now got Cubase on my computer as well as Photoshop and Liz and I are going to town with The Candied Yams. We'll polish our old songs, write new ones, make them sound as good as can be, make a myspace and a purevolume, take pictures and videos, and above all we're going to bombard you with our music until you're all cultish fans. It's going to be so much fun and so cool too. The Candied Yams cannot be classified. We can sound like anything because we're just that random. We've got a silly sense of humour and limited musical knowledge but it works damnit! Word on the street is Mike's going to interview us on his fab webzine as well. The Candied Yams will be taking over the world! And what a lovely world it will be.

So I'm too lazy to do crazy update but I'll stick in some memories of this whole hospitale experiencay.

When I was getting anesthetized the anesthetist's like "Do you drink?" and I automatically say no because he's my mom's friend. Of course he's smart and says "Do you really expect me to believe that?" so I concede that I "sometimes have wine with dinner" and he says "Well this feels like half a bottle" The lights above me swim and then I wake up with an oxygen mask on my face making me feel claustraphobic and an intensely dry mouth. My mom is beside me and I'm clawing at the oxygen mask and asking for water. I'm not allowed water yet in case I'll throw up after the anesthesia but I get these little wet lemon flavoured swabs stuck in my mouth that temporarily wet my pallette a little until I can obtain some ice chips. And so went my surgery.

Now that happened on Friday and I was wheeled into a room where I was suppose to be discharged on Sunday...I didn't leave til Tuesday morning. Ugh. Stupid complications. See when you get your thyroid out, your calcium's messed up, so that's why I had to stay. Unfortunately, my body was still being wonky even after my calcium was settled. I had full body shakes that sometimes went as far as being convulsions that would last for an hour and a half. At one point my legs were numb up to the hip, my hands were numb, and my freaking face was numb. Twas pretty scary. Luckily, some calcium in my IV drip fixed that eventually.

Anyway, to sum up my experience in my recovery room:
-I never ate the hospital food
-I drank apple juice and water constantly
-I watched waayyy too many movies, mostly on TBS
-I was getting my blood taken every 3-4 hours from the very same vein from the very same arm....not so pleasant
-At one point I had a roommate who's vistors thought it would be suitable to sit and stare at me as I shook in my bed and then bluntly inquire as to what was wrong with me
-Justin visited me every single day, helped me walk to the bathroom (which was about 4 steps away from my bed, but I needed the help), brought me water and apple juice, and cranked my bed to a comfortable sitting/lying position
-My mom spent the whole time with me and it was a weird bonding time kind of....it got the point where I would say what she was thinking...all the time

Anyway now I'm back at home, tired as a dog, still shaking but it's getting better. I have many a pretty flower arrangement to look at, a gift basket full of goodies, and CDs courtesy of my darling Justypoo. I'm taking 10 pills a day and it's unknown as to whether this will become less in the future.

Here's some pics of my vacation for y'all. Hope you enjoy.

Hey, if Jesus says so...This is the result of us deciding paint was not only for Easter eggs, but to be used on our faces in the warrior fashion. Of course spoons were necessary.